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Fancy me in ermines!
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Speaker's cleaner given half of Warwickshire
It's filthy, says discreet char...
Eyebrows are certain to be raised after it was revealed the Commons' Speaker's cleaner, Mrs Hilda Ogden, has been given half of Warwickshire as a thank you for not telling people about his dirty underwear stuffed down the back of the couch.
This is on top of an MBE, OBE and being made a Dame Commander of the Bath, Kitchen Sink and Airing Cupboard.
"I'm thrilled!" she said, "Especially when I found out it no longer contains Solihull."
The Speaker's Cleaner is a well known figure, particularly in London taxis, which she uses to pop down the shops for some more Vim.
Supporters of the honours and vast estates she has been given say despite her lowly roots, she will not let it go to her head.
A Downing Street source said:
"She'll be up there taking the stour out of Shipton-On-Stour, the muddy stains from Rugby and the piss out of Shakespeare."
Mrs Ogden is said to be disgusted though with Kenilworth Castle
"Mucky great place. No roof. I quite fancied swanning about in that. Oh well, chuck, can't have everything. Maybe my Stan could do it up?"
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