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Exciting picture from another planet - or is it a field covered in dried shite?
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Nasa spends billions to show you pictures of boring rocks
No, honestly, this is interesting, says demented mission controller...
The world barely stifled a terrific yawn yesterday as pictures beamed from millions of miles away in space proved to be, in actuality, about as interesting as snaps of your neighbour's boring holiday in Lanzarote.
"It's a pile of rocks. And flat." was the general reaction from moribund earthlings as they stared at them first one way up, then the other way, "In fact, isn't this just the boring old moon? Or Arizona. Sure looks like Arizona. It is Arizona, isn't it?"
An exasperated NASA official explained to us, "Look, it's frickin Mars. MARS! We went all that way to get you the most exciting pictures ever seen in the entire universe to date, we had the most nailbiting touchdown, going from 13,000mph to just 5mph and you think it's frickin' Arizona?"
We took the pictures out onto the streets of Britain; first stop was busy Leeds. A small crowd gathered round our display but the only time it created any kind of sensation was when a group of hoodies set fire to it.
"That was fun," said 79 year old Wilf Fondle as we frantically doused the flames, "Got anything else to burn?"
Undaunted we took the high road to Glasgow where the locals seemed a little more appreciative.
"Izzat Mars?" asked one young chap cocking his head on one side, "Right. Mars eh?" he nodded then yawned, "Got anything with big tits?"
"It's a effin' disgrace," said mother of two, Effie O'Flaherty, "All that good money, when there's wee kiddies starving in the world. Just to bring us THIS?" she peered at the pictures more closely, "It looks like a field covered in dried up coo shite."
"I'm afraid this sort of thing doesn't turn people on any more," said Professor Alistair Boilings, an expert on space travel, lumps of rock and suspiciously close horizons, "When we got the first pictures back from the moon people were agog, they had never seen anything so fascinating. But now they've had years of brilliant Hollywood effects depicting space as a myriad of fascinating worlds and mysterious galaxies with unlimited scope for imagination."
He sighed, "Terribly dull in comparison, isn't it?"
Trying to whip up some form of excitement, a young student from Glasgow University became heated with our assembled knot of non-plussed worthies, "Look," he said, his eyes shining with youthful enthusiasm, "This is truly an awesome event. There's ice there, or could be, I mean if there is, well, it's just amazing. And look at the discoveries that will be made, soil samples possibly containing wondrous elements unknown to us, the possibility of life on Mars, for heavens' sake! Don't you see how momentous this is? Come on folks, look again and think! This is from another planet 170 million miles away!"
There was a brief flicker of interest in their eyes.
"Still looks like dried shite." said Effie as she turned one of the pictures upside down.
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