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Snapshot of Britain. Sad old cow.
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Britain takes a screaming hissy fit
You're like so NOT my best friend anymore, she tells Europe...
The country of Britain took a screaming hissy fit after her boy, Andy Abraham, was humiliated by a bunch of Eastern Bloc tarts at a talent show.
The camp country stormed out of Europe after throwing her heels at old Mother Russia and telling them to 'deal with it, girlfriends'. Onlookers were astonished as she pulled down the scoreboard, stomped on it and made rude gestures with her blankety blank.
"She was like so queening out," said Estonia, a young 17 year old star and neighbour of Mother Russia, 86, "Britain think she's something but she so ain't not. Maybe she once big star in sixties, now she decrepit old cow."
"Britain's boy, Andy Abraham performed his little heart out," said Sweden, who gave birth to quads that went on to dominate the pop scene after two of them grew beards and the other two learned how to play keyboards, "But Britain, she's so sick in head no-one like her anymore. Every year it is the same thing, she comes over, think she's it and take a cream puff when no-one laughs at her jokes or vote for her brats. Her day is over, she needs to start acting her age and realise she is a talentless old bitch."
Britain is said to be livid because 'all the other bitches' form cliques and don't invite her to their parties. "Who do they think they are?" she told Ireland, who is sympathetic but refuses to admit being a friend, "Don't they know who I am? I gave birth to the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Bryan Ferry, Ozzy Osborne and loads of other fab kids. All they do is copy, copy, copy. They owe me, they SO frickin' owe me!"
Rumours abound over what Britain will do next. "Some think she'll hold her own contest so she can win every year. That's just so Britain though isn't it? Who the hell would want to go listen to her in her own gaff singing through a karaoke machine? She's such a big queen." said a bored Latvia.
We tried to find some friends of Britain who could give us an insight into her thoughts on the future, but unfortunately, we couldn't find any.
Her current whereabout are unknown, but she was last seen in a seedy Belgrade gay bar, barefooted, cradling a large bottle of slivovitz and surrounded by amused young Serbians eager to hear her sing one more chorus of "Puppet on a Frickin' String".
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