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What an utter waste of good money
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Private schools should be cheap, crap and boring
School-owner fed up spending money on them...
Private schools should stop wasting money by spending it on private schools, said former Ousted chairman and owner of a string of private schools, Professor Blockhead.
"Instead of taking all that dosh from utterly dense parents and giving their kids luxurious well appointed schools, we should instead pocket the lot and give their kids crap schools, but point out there are no smelly kids from sink estates in them. That's all they need."
Children at private schools are often spoiled by having sports facilities and theatres and these should be stopped he said, "All you need to do is provide a seat, a desk, some chalk and have them copy things out of books. That will cost about three shillings per day per child realising a healthy profit of seventeen and six in the pound, why spend all that on utterly useless things such as drama, music, sport. I mean, what do parents want their kids to be? A cross between Beckam and Posh?
"Ugh!"
Schools should be run as businesses, not schools he said,
"You need to maximise productivity first and foremost, so get the little blighters to do in-house work experience if they don't get a tick for their sums. They can clean the windows, do the guttering, make their own dinners and so on. Better that than prancing about a stage like a fairy, playing a cornucopia and thinking they are the next Zola frickin' Budd.
"And if they DO get a tick for their sums, get them to teach the other little squits. Why waste money on teaching staff? You'd be mad!"
"Above all else, these snotty-nosed, middle class tikes should be utterly grateful they are in a private school at all. You won't teach them anything if you pamper them.
"If they complain their school is crap and boring, which it should be unless you think you are running a pissing charity, show them pictures of comprehensives with all their sweaty gyms that smell of cabbages and pee and run videos of truly appalling kids on benefits at their crappy annual talent show who think they are Leona Lewis. Then ask them if that's so bloody clever after all."
When asked if his judgement was not clouded by the fact he owned private schools and was only interested in saving money he replied,
"Sorry? Are you utterly dense? Read the above paragraphs again and then come back and ask a sensible question, you state-educated tosser!"
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