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Mr Johnsons driveway - possible location for naked dancing.
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Stonehenge stolen to make gravel driveway
Ancient monument has disappeared, keen DIYer suspected...
Shocked security guards woke up from their night shift yesterday to discover one of England's most famous pieces of heritage had totally disappeared.
"Someone's nicked it!" said Arthur Smee, 95, who said he has long suspected people were taking bits of it home. "The come here with their 'ammers and chisels and say, "Ooo, we're arts students, mind if we do a bit of sculpting 'ere? While they've got us attention on some skinny naked bird and one of 'em hacks away at a bit of marble, other one is chipping tenpenny sized bits orf the monuments.
"Students! Never trust 'em."
But police said they don't suspect students at all, but rather someone looking to save a bob or two when doing up their property. They are convinced the stones were hacked into tiny pieces over a matter of time with someone taking them home in their shoes. Possibly someone who has just bought a car and wanted to turn their lawn into a drive.
"We are looking for somone with bad feet," said Chief Inspector Gwynn Fetch, "Someone out there, friends, family members, must know if a loved one or pal has developed a rather funny walk over the past couple of months, their jacket pockets might also be rather distended.
"We would especially urge people to contact us if they notice a suspected person has made a new gravel driveway. To think England's most ancient and revered attraction will have someone's Renault Clio sitting on top of it is just too horrible to contemplate."
Martin Smegg, a leading Wiccan, told us he was disgusted at what had happened.
"This is sacrilage!" he said, "If people did this to a mosque, there would be outrage, just because we get pissed a lot and wear hessian underpants doesn't mean our religion is any less sacred or more wierd than anyone else's. The fact of the matter is we'll need to look somewhere else to dance naked. And it looks like it's going to be someone's driveway."
Our reported went to nearby Amesbury and locals there expressed their shock and horror at the news.
"What if it was someone round here did it?" said Mrs Twinbiddle, 85, "Ooo, it could be him down the road there. Mr Johnson, nice man, funny walk, got a new car the other day, French car too. Always thought he was strange.
"Ooo, all those druids dancing naked on his driveway. Oooooo!"
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