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Yes, but not in their bangers and mash
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Supermarkets must give people buckets and a scoop
And put the stuff into lots and lots of poly bags...
A leading recycling expert, Dr Karl Cloggit has advised the government not to curb the use of polythene bags as they are only a tiny fraction of the problem the environment faces.
Instead he says supermarkets should bin all other forms of packaging, such as boxes, bottles, cartons, shrink wrap and tins and issue shoppers with a giant bucket and a scoop, or scoops if they bring the kiddies with them.
Aisles would be transformed from the garish uniform rows of confusing foodstuffs, tinned goods, household products and pet food, into giant skips containing bulk produce.
"Shoppers should not be penalised for using 13 billion free bags a year. Heavens' sakes, if they charged for that it would cost consumers 65 billion pence which is just too much for the average family these days. Much better if producers and supermarkets get together and hump all the stuff into a skip.
The expert believes days out to the supermarket would be fun using this novel method.
"It'd be like a giant pick and mix!" he enthused.
Shoppers on the high street we spoke to were not convinced.
"Loony." said one, Helen McHump from Ealing, "Look, I do my shopping first thing in the morning before I go do my job as a brickie's mate. You know what it's like when you're half awake. Brew up the pot, pour in mug, white powder stuff in, sip - yergh! I've put Andrew's Liver salts in me tea!
"Imagine I did that with the family shop? I'd end up feeding me kids Bernard Matthew's sausages with a mixture of Birds Angel delight, Smash and Vim.
"Is this knobhead for real? Just cos his missus is organised enough to spend time sniffing stuff and having a taste don't mean all of us women are supermums. Now eff off, I've got to take these bricks up that scaffold."
Although Britain is positively covered with billions and billions of plastic bags, rendering satellite images worthless if you want to spot the green bits, the doctor says it's irrelevant.
"Look, some folks think it's unsightly, but that's not the point. We're trying to save the planet, not tidy up the base of your skanky privet hedge for you. Selfish morons. Think of the big picture for once.
Meanwhile an enterprising new company has recently just been set up. Called Un-Cloggit they are an entrepreneurial young team of willing lads in Ford Transits who will whoosh round Britain gathering up the offending plastic bags for a small municipal fee. All bags will then be recycled to make new bags.
"That's the type of initiative we need!" said Dr Cloggit, who stressed he was not related to his father, the eponymous owner of the new venture.
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