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Researchers studied thousands of legs just like these
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Weekend Science: Early human ancestors had legs
Astonishing discovery rocks foundations of modern thinking...
US researchers have astounded the world of natural history by revealling that our ancestors had legs, enabling them to climb trees and escape being eaten.
"We just couldn't figure it out," one boffin told us, "In fact, no-one has ever worked it out. Then I said to Bob 'Hey, what about those things near its ass.' Bob kinda whistled and said to me, 'Goddamit, you might be right.'"
For the next five years they studied pictures of ancient monkeys, fossils and went to the zoo a lot. Painstakingly they compared the appendages sticking out of the primate's backside region and also some peculiar ones near its neck, along with pictures of lots of ladies' legs.
"We got the Eureka moment when we noticed how similar they were. Yep, we'd hit on the mystery. These goddam things were arms and legs!" said Mark Stimmenpurple.
At first people thought early ancestors of man had wings at some point and flew up into the trees or were picked up by giant orcs and dropped into the canopy for fun.
"These were interesting theories," Mark told us, "In fact, we thought perhaps the orcs had developed an advanced state of gameplay and were within a few millenia of becoming the first sporting animals with spectators, arenas and all. But then we found out orcs didn't exist. That was a bummer."
Discoveries like these are advancing our current understanding of early life and at present well over ten thousand researchers around the world are busily examining available evidence to determine:
Why eggs crack
Why do trees grow upwards
How did fish learn to swim
Who turned on the sun
Are waving flowers causing hurricanes
Is Dr Who a figment of someone's imagination
Can frogs do calculus
"All of these, when answered will lead us to many other new exciting things to discover," said a very rich post graduate, "Like how do you convert four years at uni into a lifetime's guaranteed income, wealth and pretty fabby pension.
"We think its well worth all our efforts. Nice legs by the way!"
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