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Could you eat a whole one? |
People eating everything in sight
It's got to stop, says frantic expert...
The number of animals on the land, in the sea and in the air are declining so fast, soon there will be none left, says World Wild Fears, saying all human beings are turning into ravenous greedy sods.
"People just keep eating things. Don't they know they've got to share their food? Didn't their mothers tell them that?" said a WWF expert.
Human beings have been around for only a short period of time, compared to the woodlouse, but have already eaten billions of animals out of house and home - in fact, have eaten billions of animals into the bargain. Whilst the woodlouse has been perfectly content with dead tissue and its own crap.
"Plain greed, that's all it is" commented Hilary Frankmater, an expert in human/animal relationships, "I watched a family from Sidcup one day, they sat down in the park and ate an entire picnic basket, handles and all."
The problem is so huge that some analysts predict there will be nothing left to eat by 2012.
"Just look at this graph," Hilary continued, "You see this curve here? That's the Global Human Waistline Curve. As you can see it shoots up from about 14,000 years ago like a rocket, and goes absolutely vertical since WW2. Now compare that will the number of animals curve. Shocking. I hate myself."
One blip is in the number of salmon, it has shot up since 1975 but experts say this just means humans have got lazier since the seventies and don't want to do much exercise.
"Catching salmon is a tricky business for humans. You need all sorts of gear. Abu reels are pretty pricey too. Much easier to hack a chicken's head off."
Whole swathes of Africa and India have been gorged on, they told us, meaning elephants have to migrate to places where they have to take up circus jobs.
"Don't talk to me about starving humans," said Hilary, when we tried to, "I don't see any. All I see are hideously fat people everywhere swallowing goats whole. Where am I going to get milk now? Cows' milk gives me the trots!"
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