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Scientologists have great teeth and appear on the telly |
Brown says only he can save the world again
Scientology suspected in takeover plot...
Gordon Brown claimed last night he had single-handedly rescued the world from terror, plagues, war, famine and Margaret Thatcher and that only he could do it again.
Speaking to the BBC he was asked if anyone else could do the job. With a far away look he recalled that he once went by a bank that had collapsed.
"It was terrible. All these people, needing help, floundering about in the rubble. All around them were other people trying to help, analysts, pundits, men in braces. All good, good decent people. Only I can save them, I said to myself and the realisation was powerful, awesome. So I went home and had a cup of fortifying tea and suddenly all my energy went out of me. I felt I could do nothing for a long time."
Pausing briefly to allow his lower lip to stabilise he went on,
"And then it all came back and I knew I had to act. I saved that bank and all those unfortunate people in the ruins. I felt the same power when I found a cure for foot and mouth, healed all the little sheep and cows and charmed Margaret Thatcher.
"She visited me and asked me to 'get out of her house' and that she had come to assert her rightful position as Supreme Leader. Clearly I was dealing with someone possessed by demons, or maybe Thetans!! I used my powers well and talked to her in repetitive, stilted tones and by God she adores me now, do you know that? Amazing. Maybe its in these hands? What do you think?"
"Then there was the attack at Glasgow Airport, It was me that foiled it. You must remember, I was on the telly, Scottish accent, dark hair - yes that was me!"
Asked if he was ready to save the world again he replied,
"I think some people could help in this, there's Tom, Priscilla, John oh and others too, but I am the one with the real power. I'm Level VII now you know. Look at my rejuvenated teeth!"
A Scientology spokesman said, "I have no knowledge of Britain's Prime Minister being anything other than a Level II - he flunks all the time."
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