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Mr Timson made a fortune out of mending shoes. He is 34 |
Barefoot masses rebel as toffs invade council estate
I'll burst their blue balloons says brave kiddie...
The campaign in the Crewe and Nantwich by election took a decidedly ugly turn this week as hundreds of starving people, some of whom haven't bought a new HD TV screen in months, glowered rather fiercely at four toffee-nosed blokes who minced about with blue ballons and pointed at their Bentley as if to say "Ha!"
The offending hooray-henry types decended on the sleepy council estate with reading materials and toys for the poor in an effort to totally subject the lower orders into voting for the 'the right man' -namely the terribly rich cobbler Edward Timson who has made a fortune out of the well-heeled but nothing from people who buy Nike trainers.
"It's an insult and no mistake," said Betty Paneworthy, a local grandmother of 38, "Who do they think they are? My kid's gonna burst those balloons 'e is."
One onlooker said he felt the crowd were going to get very ugly as they prowled round the offending Bentley, a car made by Germans in Crewe.
"My dad wanted a job there but cos he didn't speak kraut they told him where to go they did." said young Tommy Assindale aged 9. "And he's dead good wiv a screwdriver too. Open that thing in seconds for a start."
When asked why they had provocatively came into the utterly deprived estate in a very expensive German car with posh suits, the Tory candidate spokesman said "Ohhhh DO give over old bean. It's what the masses want don't-cha-know? I mean, it gives them something to ooh and ahh over doesn't it. Apart from that, the Rolls broke down. Germans!"
Local Labour activists handed out free trainers in a desperate attempt to lure the prowling mob away from the shiny big car. "Christ, if they even manage to sit in that, we're shafted. They'll all want one and probably start wearing proper shoes."
The spirits of the down-trodden were raised briefly as a little boy scuffed up to one of the toffs and stuck a pin in one of the blue balloons. "Give us a play station you miserable git!" he then said. "Balloons! Germans!"
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