CHUFFERS
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Chuffers News  - A daily diet of dead donkeys

Speaker's cleaner given half of Warwickshire It's filthy, says discreet char...

MPs to be given the keys to the treasury Help yourselves, says Speaker Martin...

Nasa spends billions to show you pictures of boring rocks No, honestly, this is interesting, says demented mission controller...

After ten minutes, Scotland bored with beaver jokes It's just not funny, says disappointed teenager...

Britain takes a screaming hissy fit You're like so NOT my best friend anymore, she tells Europe...

Sixties pieces of kitsch are all fake Disgusted expert sells his collection on Ebay for a tenner...

Churches aghast at teen critics not being slung in jail We can't have children calling us freaks, lisps frock wearing man with funny hat...

Private schools should be cheap, crap and boring School-owner fed up spending money on them...

Labour admit they are a bunch of twats Please do place your dog poo on top of us, they plead....

Queen smacks grandson around the head Do that again and no pocket money she tells poor brat...

Stonehenge stolen to make gravel driveway Ancient monument has disappeared, keen DIYer suspected...

Cameron to outdo Brown in drag act The terms Labour and Tory 'camps' will mean what they say on the tin...

No more Mr Nice Guy: Government to record every bloody thing you do Proposals to find out your porno log in and punish you for not being able to vote properly....

Civil war over Naples rubbish Some want to keep it, some want to burn it..hey ho!...

Queen grants Scotland independence Anything to get rid of Al Fayed, says gleeful monarch...

Supermarkets must give people buckets and a scoop And put the stuff into lots and lots of poly bags...

Your Letters: Topics this week include handlebars, Spangles and trans-gendered mice...

Benefits offices to be relocated to wealthy suburbs Why should only poor people have them, asks penniless stockbroker...

Entire government goes to live in voters' houses Crewe & Nantwich residents get at least a Downing Street tea lady each...

Weekend Science: Blue tits set to conquer the earth We must act now, they'll eat us all, says wild professor...

Weekend Science: Early human ancestors had legs Astonishing discovery rocks foundations of modern thinking...

Smelly alleys means doom for Tate Modern Art lovers and critics turn their backs on accepted norms...

MPs must tell us when they go to the toilet and have fag breaks Court ruling ends the good life for sponging ruling class...

People eating everything in sight It's got to stop, says frantic expert...

Loss-making Britain to be sold We can't keep this thing going any longer say ministers...

Brown says only he can save the world again Scientology suspected in takeover plot...

Barefoot masses rebel as toffs invade council estate I'll burst their blue balloons says brave kiddie...

Wendy Alexander falls over I'm so dizzy, she tells reporters...

Vatican to spread the Gospels in space Church seeks alien converts...

Gordon Brown to become Queen Boring Gordon says putting on a crown and swinging a handbag will cheer us all up...

Molluscs demand not to be cooked whilst on hols How would you like it if your were microwaved on the QE2, says unhappy mussel...

Official: Britons as mad as brushes You're all barking mad says MoD man...

Sir Paul McCartney horrified as car wrecks lawn Flying Lexus destroys green image...

 

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